Ugh. I'm completely off track. I've been eating everything in sight, vegetables are hardly existent in my diet. It's all been microwave meals and takeout. I'm not even happy with it. It's not like I've been eating "good" bad for me food. That would be one thing. This is just lazy food, and it's costing me too much in my weight and my wallet. It's awful and it needs to stop. I need to count again and get back to the gym. Ugh. I would love to say I'm starting tomorrow. Maybe I am. But I feel like I keep declaring "That's it, I'm back on track tomorrow" and then tomorrow comes and I make more bad decisions. Ugh.
I can't remember what kicked my butt to get me to be on track for so long last year. Maybe it was the prospect of getting in shape for my music career, and now maybe I've lost focus since casting has gone so crapastically. But that's no good since I know I have multiple performances and possible auditions coming up in a few short months. So. Really, I need to get back on things, and I at least hope that Wednesday comes and I get myself back together.
This is absurd. I worked too hard to throw it in now that I've come this far. And it would suck out loud to get 1 pound away from under 200 only to gain everything back. Seriously, that would suck. So really, self, let's get it together.
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
GAAAHHH Life
I'm alive, I swear. I'm alive and have been failing at this whole "diet/eating well/exercising/making smart decisions" thing for the past few months, so maybe if I just start writing, start tracking on WW again, doing all of the things I'm supposed to do, the rest will follow. Tonight this isn't an especially interesting entry, it's more so just for me to put pen to paper...wait...fingers to keyboard.
(Doesn't pen to paper sound much better? Stupid technology ruining my terminology.)
So on the health front...yeah. I think I went to the gym 3 times this summer after I got back from cousin wedding 1 and housing went crazy. Kind of lost my way there with everything and never really got back on track. Luckily, I haven't gained tons by any means, I've pretty much just maintained for the past few months, but still it's annoying since I was on a roll there for a while and now I'm stuck at the same point. I haven't been tracking, which is dumb. I finally tracked today, but of course I tracked after the fact. AFTER I had eaten all of the bad food (chocolate, beer, ect).
My actual meal decisions aren't horrendous, it's the snacking that will do me in. And the lack of vegetables. What's up with that? It's like I never have them in the house anymore, or else I buy them and they go bad. What am I doing? Do I just buy too much of one vegetable, get sick of it, and end up throwing half of it out? Or I buy something with GRAND intentions in mind (read as: buying tomatoes and intending to make...roasted tomatoes. When I say grand, it's all relative). I just...forget. Or have no protein that suits my veggie cravings, and then I'm left with my standard awkward meal. Like dinner with the housemates last night that was some combo of roasted butternut squash, tilapia, pasta, summer squash, cheese, and rice pudding. This ended up being a sort of impromptu potluck, but still...left to my own devices, the butternut squash and tilapia combo were still totally happening. OH weird meals. I haven't been cooking lately, and I've sort of missed you.
We're not going to get into my school rantings, because that's another entry in itself. The short version: I didn't get any roles in the productions this year, I'm irritated, but as of today I have a renewed sense of buckling back down to work so I can regroup, do my own thing, and kick some ass. You know, on whatever independent projects I and my fellow 2nd year grads have to piece together ourselves since we're not in anything the opera department is producing. Le sigh. At least I'm in good rejected company.
So that's that. Getting back to things now that school has begun again. I have moderate faith that I'll be able to get back on track. And hopefully I won't avoid blogging for months at a time. Thank you.
EDIT: DUDE I have literally not blogged since June and now that it's past midnight this entry counts as SEPTEMBER. I thought I at least had one in July, but no. FAIL.SORRY.
(Doesn't pen to paper sound much better? Stupid technology ruining my terminology.)
So on the health front...yeah. I think I went to the gym 3 times this summer after I got back from cousin wedding 1 and housing went crazy. Kind of lost my way there with everything and never really got back on track. Luckily, I haven't gained tons by any means, I've pretty much just maintained for the past few months, but still it's annoying since I was on a roll there for a while and now I'm stuck at the same point. I haven't been tracking, which is dumb. I finally tracked today, but of course I tracked after the fact. AFTER I had eaten all of the bad food (chocolate, beer, ect).
My actual meal decisions aren't horrendous, it's the snacking that will do me in. And the lack of vegetables. What's up with that? It's like I never have them in the house anymore, or else I buy them and they go bad. What am I doing? Do I just buy too much of one vegetable, get sick of it, and end up throwing half of it out? Or I buy something with GRAND intentions in mind (read as: buying tomatoes and intending to make...roasted tomatoes. When I say grand, it's all relative). I just...forget. Or have no protein that suits my veggie cravings, and then I'm left with my standard awkward meal. Like dinner with the housemates last night that was some combo of roasted butternut squash, tilapia, pasta, summer squash, cheese, and rice pudding. This ended up being a sort of impromptu potluck, but still...left to my own devices, the butternut squash and tilapia combo were still totally happening. OH weird meals. I haven't been cooking lately, and I've sort of missed you.
We're not going to get into my school rantings, because that's another entry in itself. The short version: I didn't get any roles in the productions this year, I'm irritated, but as of today I have a renewed sense of buckling back down to work so I can regroup, do my own thing, and kick some ass. You know, on whatever independent projects I and my fellow 2nd year grads have to piece together ourselves since we're not in anything the opera department is producing. Le sigh. At least I'm in good rejected company.
So that's that. Getting back to things now that school has begun again. I have moderate faith that I'll be able to get back on track. And hopefully I won't avoid blogging for months at a time. Thank you.
EDIT: DUDE I have literally not blogged since June and now that it's past midnight this entry counts as SEPTEMBER. I thought I at least had one in July, but no. FAIL.SORRY.
All spent
Well, that did it. Thursday night and I am flat out of my weekly "extra point" cushion. Want to know how to exhaust your points in 2 days? Here's how! Recital desserts, rum drinks, wine, giant lunch at DeLessio's, solid pasta dinner at friend's house, Smitten ice cream, and cookies for dessert while re-watching HP7.1. I mean, I could be overestimating in how much oil was used in everything (and now that I'm thinking about it, I probably am. What I recording would be a LOT of oil), but I think I'm underestimating on the amount of salad dressing I used and the value of the pasta sauce, so it all balanced out. Scariest part? I actually went to the gym today, and even with gym points, I'm still sunk. What I'm saying is I feel very well fed.
AND now it's time to get back in order. Maybe put some vegetables in my house? Shopping, perhaps? These would be good things. Man, I procrastinate on basic life sustenance like no one else I know.
OH WAIT! I had an Odwalla Superfoods drink after the gym. I just remembered this. Guess I'm over on points. Or does that count as pure fruits and veggies, so it's nothing? Am I over on points for the week, but not in that bad of a way because they were healthy-ish points? There isn't really any added sugar in that. It contains wheat grass and whatever "spirulina" is for crying out loud. I have to think a smoothie like that is not what's contributing to my overall jiggle.
(As far as I can tell wheat grass will turn you into a superhero if you consume it in large, properly freshly juiced quantities. I really have no idea what wheat grass does or why wheat grass should be better than any other kind of grass, because it all really looks the same to me. At the mini cafe at my gym they literally have a mini wheat grass lawn that lives near the juicer. The healthy barista cuts off chunks with scissors, feeds it through the juicer, and the "dry" discards come out through the front of the juicer...it's disgusting. Apparently it will save your life or something, but it looks really nasty and unappetizing.)
I am just chock full of tangents right now which probably means it's time for bed. So, getting back on track starts tomorrow, because I am so close to below 200 I can taste it, and it tastes like mini-chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. Not sure why, but there you have it :) Good night, world.
AND now it's time to get back in order. Maybe put some vegetables in my house? Shopping, perhaps? These would be good things. Man, I procrastinate on basic life sustenance like no one else I know.
OH WAIT! I had an Odwalla Superfoods drink after the gym. I just remembered this. Guess I'm over on points. Or does that count as pure fruits and veggies, so it's nothing? Am I over on points for the week, but not in that bad of a way because they were healthy-ish points? There isn't really any added sugar in that. It contains wheat grass and whatever "spirulina" is for crying out loud. I have to think a smoothie like that is not what's contributing to my overall jiggle.
(As far as I can tell wheat grass will turn you into a superhero if you consume it in large, properly freshly juiced quantities. I really have no idea what wheat grass does or why wheat grass should be better than any other kind of grass, because it all really looks the same to me. At the mini cafe at my gym they literally have a mini wheat grass lawn that lives near the juicer. The healthy barista cuts off chunks with scissors, feeds it through the juicer, and the "dry" discards come out through the front of the juicer...it's disgusting. Apparently it will save your life or something, but it looks really nasty and unappetizing.)
I am just chock full of tangents right now which probably means it's time for bed. So, getting back on track starts tomorrow, because I am so close to below 200 I can taste it, and it tastes like mini-chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. Not sure why, but there you have it :) Good night, world.
Oh hey a post! It's been a while...
WHOA it's been forever since I've posted (forever reads as "2 weeks"). Sorry about that. School is OUT, life is EASY, I'm woefully UNEMPLOYED and have been trying to work on that. I'm staying in San Fran for the summer to get my audition things in order and while working with my teacher is great, the job market is less so. That and I have an opera I'm doing and cross country trips for family and weddings and so on, so my schedule is just lousy. I'm just hoping to find a lovely employer who will overlook all that. :)
As for "weight loss" it's still going pretty well. I think some of it is going well by luck because my tracking track record has not been so strong as of late. Here's how this seems to go recently: I track fairly consistently through the weekend, when something will happen like a party (parties) or drinks or delicious recital receptions, and somehow I will end the weekend with all of my weekly extra points gone. Fine, not a big deal. But THEN come Monday and Tuesday I just...don't track. Because in my head, if I'm going to go over, I'm going to go over no matter what. I just do the best I can on Monday and Tuesday since I know I don't have much of a points net. And then Wednesday, WOOSH! All reset and I start tracking again.
This is not a good thing. This is a slippery slope that will lead to me just not tracking at all. I know this. And I'd like to stay on the tracking thing, it's working really well for me, but it gets hard when I'm eating things that aren't prepackaged or that I didn't prepare or that come from a delicious recital reception. I just don't KNOW how many points they are, so I'm estimating anyway, so is what I'm writing down at all helpful or accurate? My main gripe with this whole tracking thing.
I've gotten better at "listening to my body", which sounds SOOOO San Francisco of me, but here's what I mean. If I'm hungry, I can eat something. If I'm craving something really specific I try to pin point what that is rather than eat around it. Also, if I'm not hungry, I don't eat. This seems stupidly obvious, but here's what I used to do. Even if I came back from some party where I ate my weight in snacky food, I still felt obligated to eat a "real" dinner. I felt like I needed protein or something. I don't know what my thinking is, but I would make sure that I had "dinner" even though I had eaten plenty of food and didn't really even want dinner. So now, I just eat until I'm full. That might not be the most balanced diet, dinner might end up being a cupcake (like it was on Easter), but if I'm not hungry I don't see the reason to force-feed myself more calories in search of a "balanced" diet. Sometimes it's just not that balanced, but it all balances out in the end. Right? Let's hope so.
In other news, I can't seem to get my arms to change size and this bothers me. I took my measurements today, and my waist and hips like to keep melting down (yay!) but my arms are just as stupidly flabby as ever. I don't know what to do with them. I guess they're just slow to catch up? Late for the shrinking party? Eventually they'll go down? I do some arm exercises when I'm at the gym, yet still, flab. Sigh.
And speaking of gym, I actually have been pretty bad about going. Once I'm not at school every day, I just want to stay in my house and do the stuff I've neglected here (cleaning, organizing, reading the "Sookie Stackhouse" books...). I did a nice run/walk around my neighborhood which was both freezing and largely uphill, but satisfying. So in conclusion, the gym needs to come back into my life. And this was a very long post, so maybe just pretend that for the past 2 weeks I had a bunch of small posts. It all works out.
As for "weight loss" it's still going pretty well. I think some of it is going well by luck because my tracking track record has not been so strong as of late. Here's how this seems to go recently: I track fairly consistently through the weekend, when something will happen like a party (parties) or drinks or delicious recital receptions, and somehow I will end the weekend with all of my weekly extra points gone. Fine, not a big deal. But THEN come Monday and Tuesday I just...don't track. Because in my head, if I'm going to go over, I'm going to go over no matter what. I just do the best I can on Monday and Tuesday since I know I don't have much of a points net. And then Wednesday, WOOSH! All reset and I start tracking again.
This is not a good thing. This is a slippery slope that will lead to me just not tracking at all. I know this. And I'd like to stay on the tracking thing, it's working really well for me, but it gets hard when I'm eating things that aren't prepackaged or that I didn't prepare or that come from a delicious recital reception. I just don't KNOW how many points they are, so I'm estimating anyway, so is what I'm writing down at all helpful or accurate? My main gripe with this whole tracking thing.
I've gotten better at "listening to my body", which sounds SOOOO San Francisco of me, but here's what I mean. If I'm hungry, I can eat something. If I'm craving something really specific I try to pin point what that is rather than eat around it. Also, if I'm not hungry, I don't eat. This seems stupidly obvious, but here's what I used to do. Even if I came back from some party where I ate my weight in snacky food, I still felt obligated to eat a "real" dinner. I felt like I needed protein or something. I don't know what my thinking is, but I would make sure that I had "dinner" even though I had eaten plenty of food and didn't really even want dinner. So now, I just eat until I'm full. That might not be the most balanced diet, dinner might end up being a cupcake (like it was on Easter), but if I'm not hungry I don't see the reason to force-feed myself more calories in search of a "balanced" diet. Sometimes it's just not that balanced, but it all balances out in the end. Right? Let's hope so.
In other news, I can't seem to get my arms to change size and this bothers me. I took my measurements today, and my waist and hips like to keep melting down (yay!) but my arms are just as stupidly flabby as ever. I don't know what to do with them. I guess they're just slow to catch up? Late for the shrinking party? Eventually they'll go down? I do some arm exercises when I'm at the gym, yet still, flab. Sigh.
And speaking of gym, I actually have been pretty bad about going. Once I'm not at school every day, I just want to stay in my house and do the stuff I've neglected here (cleaning, organizing, reading the "Sookie Stackhouse" books...). I did a nice run/walk around my neighborhood which was both freezing and largely uphill, but satisfying. So in conclusion, the gym needs to come back into my life. And this was a very long post, so maybe just pretend that for the past 2 weeks I had a bunch of small posts. It all works out.
"Ou vas-tu? Ta douleur t'egare!"
Quickie post as I collect my thoughts and intend to do a better post later. I missed my usual Wednesday Weigh In update because...I just did. Tonight was our opera workshop scenes recital which was 3 1/2 hours long and just drained all energy out of our entire department. Sigh. But it went. It went alright, I think I sounded okay though I still wasn't super happy with it. Lack of connection, I think. It was all thrown up so fast that I didn't do enough work on my character and as a result felt very disconnected from the scene. But it's over now, so that's that. For anyone wondering it was a scene from Rossini's "Guillaume Tell" (in French. Oh yes) and I was Mathilde. Sauve Guillaume. Il meurt victime de son amour de son pays. Yes sir.
Today I was also in a general funk, which I attribute to many things, but in no small part to my lack of gym for over a week. I know, I know. Timing has been strange this week. I had to buy clothes/dress rehearsal Tuesday and get groceries yesterday. The weekend was lost to various recitals and pure laziness. I WANT to go back, I just don't think I can before maybe Saturday and then not again until maybe Tuesday. But I want to keep moving, I really do like it even though it makes me smelly.
Crashing now after that LONG concert. Well done all performers, everyone was brilliant and true opera slaves tonight. Well done.
Today I was also in a general funk, which I attribute to many things, but in no small part to my lack of gym for over a week. I know, I know. Timing has been strange this week. I had to buy clothes/dress rehearsal Tuesday and get groceries yesterday. The weekend was lost to various recitals and pure laziness. I WANT to go back, I just don't think I can before maybe Saturday and then not again until maybe Tuesday. But I want to keep moving, I really do like it even though it makes me smelly.
Crashing now after that LONG concert. Well done all performers, everyone was brilliant and true opera slaves tonight. Well done.
GOOD NEWS! (that has nothing to do with food)
The plan today was originally to go to the gym before rehearsal, since there's a lovely 24 Hour Fitness right by the theater, but then I realized that I left my sneakers in my locker at school, which would take me a solid hour out of my way to retrieve. So instead, I had a dance party in my room while watching season 3 of "Angel". The result? 3 PointsPlus Points. Fantastic.
In other news today was also a day filled with cookies and desserts and not the best choices. Good things happened yesterday so I bought a cookie to celebrate, which I did knowing I could afford it and wanted to treat myself. And then...I got to the theater. And someone had made mint brownies and someone else brought the most magical cookies ever filled with like 15 different kinds of chocolate chips and peanut butter and marshmallows and it was basically a cookie designed with me directly in mind. I love hodgepodges of flavors. So...there's that. Bad choices.
ON TO THE GOOD NEWS! Which has nothing to do with my diet but much to do with my self confidence. So you may remember how I said I made the finals of a local opera competition? And how I was just excited to right "Competition Finalist" on my resume? WELL I WON. And not like I placed and won some money (which would have been very awesome in it's own right) but I came in FIRST. Which is AMAZING since that's the first time I've ever even made the finals. I'm pretty psyched and feeling pretty damn fantastic about it. Also my voice lessons for this summer and change are completely covered financially, so that's a load off my mind. I basically flipped out when I read the email that listed me in first place. Like...seriously. Dancing, crying, cheering in my room. By myself, at 1 am when the email went out. Craziness. But I'm so happy!!! It was seriously the pick me up I needed at this point, so thank you, Universe!
In other news today was also a day filled with cookies and desserts and not the best choices. Good things happened yesterday so I bought a cookie to celebrate, which I did knowing I could afford it and wanted to treat myself. And then...I got to the theater. And someone had made mint brownies and someone else brought the most magical cookies ever filled with like 15 different kinds of chocolate chips and peanut butter and marshmallows and it was basically a cookie designed with me directly in mind. I love hodgepodges of flavors. So...there's that. Bad choices.
ON TO THE GOOD NEWS! Which has nothing to do with my diet but much to do with my self confidence. So you may remember how I said I made the finals of a local opera competition? And how I was just excited to right "Competition Finalist" on my resume? WELL I WON. And not like I placed and won some money (which would have been very awesome in it's own right) but I came in FIRST. Which is AMAZING since that's the first time I've ever even made the finals. I'm pretty psyched and feeling pretty damn fantastic about it. Also my voice lessons for this summer and change are completely covered financially, so that's a load off my mind. I basically flipped out when I read the email that listed me in first place. Like...seriously. Dancing, crying, cheering in my room. By myself, at 1 am when the email went out. Craziness. But I'm so happy!!! It was seriously the pick me up I needed at this point, so thank you, Universe!
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