Ugh

Ugh. I'm completely off track. I've been eating everything in sight, vegetables are hardly existent in my diet. It's all been microwave meals and takeout. I'm not even happy with it. It's not like I've been eating "good" bad for me food. That would be one thing. This is just lazy food, and it's costing me too much in my weight and my wallet. It's awful and it needs to stop. I need to count again and get back to the gym. Ugh. I would love to say I'm starting tomorrow. Maybe I am. But I feel like I keep declaring "That's it, I'm back on track tomorrow" and then tomorrow comes and I make more bad decisions. Ugh.

I can't remember what kicked my butt to get me to be on track for so long last year. Maybe it was the prospect of getting in shape for my music career, and now maybe I've lost focus since casting has gone so crapastically. But that's no good since I know I have multiple performances and possible auditions coming up in a few short months. So. Really, I need to get back on things, and I at least hope that Wednesday comes and I get myself back together.

This is absurd. I worked too hard to throw it in now that I've come this far. And it would suck out loud to get 1 pound away from under 200 only to gain everything back. Seriously, that would suck. So really, self, let's get it together.

GAAAHHH Life

I'm alive, I swear. I'm alive and have been failing at this whole "diet/eating well/exercising/making smart decisions" thing for the past few months, so maybe if I just start writing, start tracking on WW again, doing all of the things I'm supposed to do, the rest will follow. Tonight this isn't an especially interesting entry, it's more so just for me to put pen to paper...wait...fingers to keyboard.

(Doesn't pen to paper sound much better? Stupid technology ruining my terminology.)

So on the health front...yeah. I think I went to the gym 3 times this summer after I got back from cousin wedding 1 and housing went crazy. Kind of lost my way there with everything and never really got back on track. Luckily, I haven't gained tons by any means, I've pretty much just maintained for the past few months, but still it's annoying since I was on a roll there for a while and now I'm stuck at the same point. I haven't been tracking, which is dumb. I finally tracked today, but of course I tracked after the fact. AFTER I had eaten all of the bad food (chocolate, beer, ect).

My actual meal decisions aren't horrendous, it's the snacking that will do me in. And the lack of vegetables. What's up with that? It's like I never have them in the house anymore, or else I buy them and they go bad. What am I doing? Do I just buy too much of one vegetable, get sick of it, and end up throwing half of it out? Or I buy something with GRAND intentions in mind (read as: buying tomatoes and intending to make...roasted tomatoes. When I say grand, it's all relative). I just...forget. Or have no protein that suits my veggie cravings, and then I'm left with my standard awkward meal. Like dinner with the housemates last night that was some combo of roasted butternut squash, tilapia, pasta, summer squash, cheese, and rice pudding. This ended up being a sort of impromptu potluck, but still...left to my own devices, the butternut squash and tilapia combo were still totally happening. OH weird meals. I haven't been cooking lately, and I've sort of missed you.

We're not going to get into my school rantings, because that's another entry in itself. The short version: I didn't get any roles in the productions this year, I'm irritated, but as of today I have a renewed sense of buckling back down to work so I can regroup, do my own thing, and kick some ass. You know, on whatever independent projects I and my fellow 2nd year grads have to piece together ourselves since we're not in anything the opera department is producing. Le sigh. At least I'm in good rejected company.

So that's that. Getting back to things now that school has begun again. I have moderate faith that I'll be able to get back on track. And hopefully I won't avoid blogging for months at a time. Thank you.

EDIT: DUDE I have literally not blogged since June and now that it's past midnight this entry counts as SEPTEMBER. I thought I at least had one in July, but no. FAIL.SORRY.

Exploding is generally bad for your health

The update on the Whirling Hellstorm of Crap that is my housing situation is that I am moving out. On Thursday. I'll try to find another place, hopefully for not too much more rent in a more fun location. We'll see. I can't seem to nail down exactly who I'll be living with other than Viola Girl. The Hairdresser seemed interested in finding a place together, but she needs something immediately while Viola Girl won't be out here until August and since I'm homeless anyway would prefer to start paying closer to the August date. I'm perfectly happy to secure and August 1st lease in early July, couch surf until the opera I'm doing is over, and then GO HOME for the rest of July. I'm unemployed, I have to go back east for my cousin's wedding (no, no, the OTHER cousin wedding of the summer) anyway, might as well make a real thing of it.

Meanwhile, singing? Learning my rep? Getting myself in proper, working, singing order? I don't know what these things are anymore.

Also, healthy diet? Exercise? Huh? I lost last week because I was too stressed out to be hungry. So...yay? Not the way I'd prefer to do things. The dire combination of opera staging, packing, and stress as left my diet and physical well being so far down on the list I can hardly read it. But I can't really get too hard on myself about things like that right now. Yes, I'm disappointed that I'm not a super hero with the worlds most fantastic willpower, but if I worry and stress about anything else, I will actually explode. And that wouldn't be very good for my physical well being either. So I'll take my wine and my cookie and my unbalanced diet of non-meals throughout the day. And eventually I'll get back to the gym, but for now I'm not worrying about that. I'll just pack up my life in 4 days and then worry about it.

Why I'm drinking

So the promised posts are not here, but you know what? I don't care. Since returning to California (and a little before) my life has become an absolute hellstorm of crap. I have crap blowing at me from all directions, mostly from hell itself. Hellstorm. Of crap. Yes. That's what we have.

I'm still unemployed. I've given up hope of finding any damn employment before the school year starts again. Fine.

But the REAL treasure of my life has been my stupid friggin' house. Because I, GENIUS that I am, thought it would be a simple thing to replace 3 housemates in a house with a July lease. NO ONE wants a July lease, apparently. WHY NOT? IT WORKED FOR ME JUST FINE! I got to ship my stuff out early, had a little bit of breathing room before the semester started...fine. Whatever. But the problem is, my house is a HOUSE, not separate rooms. If I don't fill the rooms, I still would need to pay for them. Starting July 1st. It's June 21st right now.

Unfortunately, it's not just me I'm dealing with. Signed on (in way early June, bless) is Viola Girl, who is happy to take the place and do the same thing I did last year. Also, she see the beauty of a house in a safe neighborhood near public tran for perfectly reasonable SF rent. So if the house falls through, I'm not only screwed (which I can deal with) but she's on the street too. On the street in her own town, not moving out here really until August, but on the street all the same. So up until today, it was just me and Viola Girl, and I knew that was all it was going to be. I was going to frantically pack up, my blessed Landlady was going to be super nice and let me store some stuff in the garage for 2 weeks while I slept on my fellow VDA's bunkbed for a few days. Fine. It was settled.

THEN the last hurrah happened. I had 2 people scheduled to look at the house today, the last ditch Hail Mary of prospective room seekers. Guy 1 was a no show. Fine. But Girl loved the place. She thought it was so cute! And she wants to live here! And she's super nice and respectful of bountries and has a job and is clean and is a hairdresser so maybe I can get cheap highlights sometime. Awesome, I say sarcastically.

Because NOW, if I don't find someone TOMORROW (OR TODAY, DEPENDING ON WHEN YOU READ THIS) EVERYONE is screwed. Well, not legally, no one has really signed a lease yet. Credit checks need to be done and leases need to be signed in a week. So basically, if I don't fine ONE DAMN HOUSEMATE today, I'm SOL and so are all of the lovely ladies I'd love to live with. HELL ON ICE. (which is an expression that makes no sense, but I love).

(btw, Guy 1, the previous no show, actually called later and came by around 10, but seemed unimpressed. YOU'RE unimpressed? you're the one that SLEPT through the first meeting. come on time and you'll get the better room. idiot.)

SO the next 24 hours will dictate my life and the lives of 2 other women, both of whom I hardly know but for whom I feel a great affection. I really hope something works out.


....so that's why I'm currently drinking. I hope this post was coherent and enjoyable. I'm about ready to explode.

Holding pattern

This post is, once again, a promise of better posts to come. It's been over 2 weeks since I've written which is mostly based on my being home and being consumed by life since returning to San Francisco. It's been crazy. I have no reports on what I've been eating since life stuff has been making me WAY too nervous and anxious to eat anything at all. So that's been fun. Anyway, that's life at the moment. Coming soon: a recap of my poor and decent decisions while at home and a SPECIAL WEDDING EDITION of Foodie vs Food. Where...I basically just talk about wedding food. Not my wedding, just so we're clear on that. But there's your teaser.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Well today (technically yesterday, I guess) is/was my birthday. Horray! Nothing much happened which was wonderful. Dinner was pretty good, at a restaurant by me that I went to once before and remembered being excellent, but today was "pretty good." I liked my food, Mom was not a fan of hers, Dad liked his, and Grandmother seemed to like hers.

As you can tell, I'm home with the parents for a week of fun filled not being in San Francisco/Family time/Friend time/Generally having more to do than I did sitting around unemployed in California. It's been very nice, but I have not counted points in 3 days. At all. Even opened the Weight Watchers site. I think I'll start again on Monday. But really, I'm home (family-childhood home). I'm going out to eat constantly. I knew this would happen, I mentally prepared for it. I'm doing my best, and really so far I feel like I'm not completely over doing it. Well...maybe a solid bit more alcohol and desserts than usual, but what are you going to do? I went for a lovely walk this morning, so at least I got some exercise in the mix.

It's pretty awesome to be getting so many compliments from family and friends about how I look. I do have to remember that, though I know I feel and look a lot better, I'm no where near my goal. Sometimes if too many people say I look good I decide it's close enough and revert back to old habits. I'm trying not to let compliments go to my head, is I guess what it comes down to. Don't worry, though. I need to go shopping tomorrow, and that always brings me back to earth. I imagine I'll still pick up a dress that should be my size and find it tight in uncomfortable places. Woo! Joys of shopping!

GIVE ME BACK MY POINTS!

WOW I am inconsistent with the posting.

Well here we are, another Wednesday another weigh-in. Only 1/2 pound this week, which falls solidly into the category of "unsurprising". It also falls into the category of "bad timing." Let's take the first one. I have been doing a strange job of hitting my points this week. As in, I hit them, I think I'm within them, but...it's like 34 points of carbs or something. Reason being there are no fresh vegetables in my house. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but I'm leaving for a 12 day trip and I didn't want to make a huge run before that. Obviously this does not answer everything. "So...why didn't you buy groceries a week ago and eat those?" Yes, yes, these are all good questions. I just sort of...didn't. Now that I'm not in school and not crazy busy and have loads of (unemployed) free time, I can't seem to be bothered to do anything at all. It's a conundrum. The busier I am, the more I accomplish. So basically this week has been nothing but a cycle of practice, occasional gym, and Netflix. And actually room cleaning, but Netflix was on during most of that, so same file.

The baby tiny loss is bad timing because tomorrow at 3:30 am the shuttle picks me up to take me to the airport for my first trip home since Christmas. Yay! But this trip falls over my birthday (a day I DO NOT intend to count, so there) as well as a crazy family wedding. So...I was sort of hoping I would lose a little bit more before I left so then if I gained a pound it wouldn't be such a big thing. I doubt I'll be very successful at losing while I'm home. I think I GAINED most of this weight (well...that's not totally true, but some of it) while I was home on my year off last year. Home makes me do nothing but sit around and stuff my face. Which can be fun, but not helpful.

I also won't have gym access while I'm home since 24 hour doesn't exist around me. I would say I'll go for walks, which still may happen, but the weather back home has been in the 90s every single day. We have a treadmill in the basement but...look, it's creepy down there. There are spiders. No one ever goes down there anymore since my brother isn't home to play video games and I think the spiders have taken over, I see way more than I did when I was a kid. I don't like it. But I'll try.

So yes, bad timing on my part for not busting my butt more this week and putting me in a better place. (Also, this is stupid, but I wanted to be able to say "I've lost 35." And I'm at 34, which is great, but "35" is a better number. I am quite happy that I'm back to a whole number of weight. The ".5" was bothering me. Am I crazy? Oh you better believe it, but at least I'm aware of THAT situation).

And for the post title: stupid Weight Watchers lowered me to 33 points a day. I NEEDED THOSE 7 A WEEK, DAMMIT! POOR TIMING! I really haven't gotten the hang of these points since they dipped me below 35. I don't know why this is such a thing for me. 38 was awesome, can we go back to that? Pleeeeaasseee????

All spent

Well, that did it. Thursday night and I am flat out of my weekly "extra point" cushion. Want to know how to exhaust your points in 2 days? Here's how! Recital desserts, rum drinks, wine, giant lunch at DeLessio's, solid pasta dinner at friend's house, Smitten ice cream, and cookies for dessert while re-watching HP7.1. I mean, I could be overestimating in how much oil was used in everything (and now that I'm thinking about it, I probably am. What I recording would be a LOT of oil), but I think I'm underestimating on the amount of salad dressing I used and the value of the pasta sauce, so it all balanced out. Scariest part? I actually went to the gym today, and even with gym points, I'm still sunk. What I'm saying is I feel very well fed.

AND now it's time to get back in order. Maybe put some vegetables in my house? Shopping, perhaps? These would be good things. Man, I procrastinate on basic life sustenance like no one else I know.

OH WAIT! I had an Odwalla Superfoods drink after the gym. I just remembered this. Guess I'm over on points. Or does that count as pure fruits and veggies, so it's nothing? Am I over on points for the week, but not in that bad of a way because they were healthy-ish points? There isn't really any added sugar in that. It contains wheat grass and whatever "spirulina" is for crying out loud. I have to think a smoothie like that is not what's contributing to my overall jiggle.

(As far as I can tell wheat grass will turn you into a superhero if you consume it in large, properly freshly juiced quantities. I really have no idea what wheat grass does or why wheat grass should be better than any other kind of grass, because it all really looks the same to me. At the mini cafe at my gym they literally have a mini wheat grass lawn that lives near the juicer. The healthy barista cuts off chunks with scissors, feeds it through the juicer, and the "dry" discards come out through the front of the juicer...it's disgusting. Apparently it will save your life or something, but it looks really nasty and unappetizing.)

I am just chock full of tangents right now which probably means it's time for bed. So, getting back on track starts tomorrow, because I am so close to below 200 I can taste it, and it tastes like mini-chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. Not sure why, but there you have it :) Good night, world.

Oh hey a post! It's been a while...

WHOA it's been forever since I've posted (forever reads as "2 weeks"). Sorry about that. School is OUT, life is EASY, I'm woefully UNEMPLOYED and have been trying to work on that. I'm staying in San Fran for the summer to get my audition things in order and while working with my teacher is great, the job market is less so. That and I have an opera I'm doing and cross country trips for family and weddings and so on, so my schedule is just lousy. I'm just hoping to find a lovely employer who will overlook all that. :)

As for "weight loss" it's still going pretty well. I think some of it is going well by luck because my tracking track record has not been so strong as of late. Here's how this seems to go recently: I track fairly consistently through the weekend, when something will happen like a party (parties) or drinks or delicious recital receptions, and somehow I will end the weekend with all of my weekly extra points gone. Fine, not a big deal. But THEN come Monday and Tuesday I just...don't track. Because in my head, if I'm going to go over, I'm going to go over no matter what. I just do the best I can on Monday and Tuesday since I know I don't have much of a points net. And then Wednesday, WOOSH! All reset and I start tracking again.

This is not a good thing. This is a slippery slope that will lead to me just not tracking at all. I know this. And I'd like to stay on the tracking thing, it's working really well for me, but it gets hard when I'm eating things that aren't prepackaged or that I didn't prepare or that come from a delicious recital reception. I just don't KNOW how many points they are, so I'm estimating anyway, so is what I'm writing down at all helpful or accurate? My main gripe with this whole tracking thing.

I've gotten better at "listening to my body", which sounds SOOOO San Francisco of me, but here's what I mean. If I'm hungry, I can eat something. If I'm craving something really specific I try to pin point what that is rather than eat around it. Also, if I'm not hungry, I don't eat. This seems stupidly obvious, but here's what I used to do. Even if I came back from some party where I ate my weight in snacky food, I still felt obligated to eat a "real" dinner. I felt like I needed protein or something. I don't know what my thinking is, but I would make sure that I had "dinner" even though I had eaten plenty of food and didn't really even want dinner. So now, I just eat until I'm full. That might not be the most balanced diet, dinner might end up being a cupcake (like it was on Easter), but if I'm not hungry I don't see the reason to force-feed myself more calories in search of a "balanced" diet. Sometimes it's just not that balanced, but it all balances out in the end. Right? Let's hope so.

In other news, I can't seem to get my arms to change size and this bothers me. I took my measurements today, and my waist and hips like to keep melting down (yay!) but my arms are just as stupidly flabby as ever. I don't know what to do with them. I guess they're just slow to catch up? Late for the shrinking party? Eventually they'll go down? I do some arm exercises when I'm at the gym, yet still, flab. Sigh.

And speaking of gym, I actually have been pretty bad about going. Once I'm not at school every day, I just want to stay in my house and do the stuff I've neglected here (cleaning, organizing, reading the "Sookie Stackhouse" books...). I did a nice run/walk around my neighborhood which was both freezing and largely uphill, but satisfying. So in conclusion, the gym needs to come back into my life. And this was a very long post, so maybe just pretend that for the past 2 weeks I had a bunch of small posts. It all works out.

Look

School's almost over. Everything will be great after next Wednesday when I have juries. But now I've got this stupid paper to write so I'm going to do that rather than worry about blog postings. Which I'm pretty lame at already. So bye.

Lost again this week. Horrah. Bye, paper time.

"Ou vas-tu? Ta douleur t'egare!"

Quickie post as I collect my thoughts and intend to do a better post later. I missed my usual Wednesday Weigh In update because...I just did. Tonight was our opera workshop scenes recital which was 3 1/2 hours long and just drained all energy out of our entire department. Sigh. But it went. It went alright, I think I sounded okay though I still wasn't super happy with it. Lack of connection, I think. It was all thrown up so fast that I didn't do enough work on my character and as a result felt very disconnected from the scene. But it's over now, so that's that. For anyone wondering it was a scene from Rossini's "Guillaume Tell" (in French. Oh yes) and I was Mathilde. Sauve Guillaume. Il meurt victime de son amour de son pays. Yes sir.

Today I was also in a general funk, which I attribute to many things, but in no small part to my lack of gym for over a week. I know, I know. Timing has been strange this week. I had to buy clothes/dress rehearsal Tuesday and get groceries yesterday. The weekend was lost to various recitals and pure laziness. I WANT to go back, I just don't think I can before maybe Saturday and then not again until maybe Tuesday. But I want to keep moving, I really do like it even though it makes me smelly.

Crashing now after that LONG concert. Well done all performers, everyone was brilliant and true opera slaves tonight. Well done.

Status update and a MEGA GLEE RANT

I lost again! Yay! Though I again am not sure just how much...I'm calling it 1...it might have only been 1/2 but such is life. MAJOR exercise today, at least for me. I crashed my school's dance class and then later went to Zumba. Zumba was crazy intense and awesome, I hope I can go regularly. Very fun times, even though I feel like an idiot for most of it. Luckily no one else is doing much better with the steps than I am. The major downside of this class is that there are giant support pillars in the exercise room so you can't really see the instructor. Upside is that the 2 girls in front knew what they were doing and they actually demonstrated the moves almost better than the teachers.

Also, I recommend the new Lean Cuisine-steam-in-the-bag-and-pour-it-onto-a-plate-instead-of-eating-from-those-little-plastic-trays-things. I had the chicken pot-stickers for dinner tonight (lazy dinner...) and the pot-stickers were somehow crunchy. Like...they way they would be slightly crisp at a restaurant. And the sauce was a spicy-sweet blend that wasn't completely overpowering. I added some more broccoli to make it a legit meal and now I feel very veggie filled and satisfied.

But okay. Now I have a rant. If you only care about my food intake and exercise exertions, feel free to leave. But Glee and I need to have some words. It is time.

GLEE,

I have let at lot slide. That might be a lie. I've let some things slide. But now, once again, you've gone too far. I take you to last night's episode (This contains no spoilers because, IMO, nothing happened at all in this episode.)

Your average high school orchestra does not sound good. Quite often it sounds like cats dying. My parents THANKED me when I finally quit violin (for...many reasons, but not having to sit through another orchestra concert was definitely on the list). There is no possible way you found a full youth orchestra wandering around your high school two days before a show went up and had them play it that well. That orchestra does not exist at that school.

All the people at McKinley High ever do is complain about how disrespected their arts programs are, but apparently they have a FABULOUS orchestra of 14 year olds just wandering around waiting for people to summon them to their stupid benefits. Also, there is a full band at every rehearsal for this stupid club. There is no way you are half as ignored and underfunded as you think you are. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ACCOMPANIST. My 3 choirs in high school didn't have a separate accompanist. Our director played for us. You obviously have money, or someone just loves you, so stop whining about it. Also, you never talk to your accompanist or your backup orchestras/bands. How could you possibly not be friends with any of the instrumentalists who come to all of the rehearsals that you do? Obviously you're all disrespectful bitches to everyone around you. Maybe that's why no one came to your benefit.

Which brings me to my next point:

Glee kids claimed they could not get a soul to come to this benefit. There were like 2 people in the audience. However, on stage you had all of Glee club, a full orchestra, various combo bands, and A FULL GOSPEL CHOIR (...that Mercedes had stashed in the back of her car? Where do you hide a gospel choir? I mean, the orchestra had their own room, I get that, but everyone was hanging out in the choir room and we saw no gospel choir. Was this benefit on a Thursday night? Did they have rehearsal so they had to come late? Why would you hold a high school benefit on a Thursday? That's a school night. I digress.)

All I'm saying is you had a ton of performers and you're telling me not ONE parent came to this thing? An orchestra full of tiny people and...they all just took the bus home? REALLY? Every Glee parent we've seen on this show is pro-Glee and none of them came to their child's benefit? None of the gospel choir members felt like sitting in the audience for the first half? I mean, there is saying that your club is the neglected club but even the unpopular clubs have parents and siblings.

CLEARLY I HAVE MANY ISSUES WITH THIS SHOW. I should not be watching it but I can't stop. I can't help it, I love the idea of this show but it is just terrible every week. GAH. I am filled with rage and annoyance. Again, I say, I should stop watching. Maybe I will. Maybe this is my last episode ever. I seriously need to drop it like a bad habit and another 60 pounds.

Okay. I've said my peace. I actually could say quite a bit more, but I won't. For now. But Glee, you time on my Hulu stream is nearly up. You've been warned; get it together.

Marathon Monday! (Go Sheree!!)

Today was one of those super rare days where I worked out super hard, ate all my veggies, and had a very hard time eating my minimum points for the day. It was a nice change of pace from scrambling at dinner to makeup for my poor decisions earlier in the day.

But that is not the point of this post. This post is to give a huge shout out to Sheree Dunwell who is running in the Boston Marathon tomorrow. Sheree started this quest to Marathon Monday after losing a whole mess of weight and getting herself in shape. Now that she's looking good, she's doing some good. She's raised over $7500 for her charity Mass Mentoring Partnership. She's danced and bowled in a banana suit for this cause, and tomorrow she's going to bust her ass for 26.2 miles because she's a champion. Sheree, know that I'm cheering you on from across the country. You are incredible. And when you cross that finish line, I hope someone is waiting to cart you home in a wheelbarrow full of ice. Because you deserve it :)

Tales of Recital Food

Well. It's Saturday. I have about 9 week points left. I've gone to the gym twice this week. I intended to go today but...best laid plans, I supposed. I should go tomorrow. Recital food is a major temptation, especially when all that is offered is delicious homemade sweets.

For everyone who's not a musician, recital food is an art form unto itself, or at least it was at my undergrad. It's the food at the reception after the recital. Here at grad school the receptions seem much more low key, but I have been to receptions in the past that included a full home-cooked Italian buffet, or were professionally catered, or had mountains of Chick-fil-a nuggets, or had gourmet cupcakes as far as the eye could see. At my undergrad, the food was a much bigger deal than the recital itself. This grad school...neither seem to be that big of a deal, to be honest. Attendance is much lower than my other school, so that's why the receptions are so much smaller. BUT still delicious. This one featured possibly the best chocolate chip walnut cookies I've ever had. They were also the size of my hand and twice as thick. And cupcakes. So, you know...temptation. I'm weak.

I have no idea what the food will be tomorrow. It's like the encore, always a suprise. And sometimes, much more appreciated than an encore. I hope gym attendance before (or after, I suppose, it all comes out in the wash) the recital will offset the points damage.

25 Below

Officially down the big 2-5. Not sure why this feels like an awesome landmark, but it does.

There was very little posting this week because there was very little activity on my part. At all. I took the week off from just about everything but watching my food. I didn't go to the gym, I let myself recover from the craziness of the opera in which I had little to do but had to constantly be away from my house. Which, as a result, meant that I actually did exercise during the run of the show. So I guess that's how I lost last week. This week I just tried to watch what I consumed. And I caught up on things like laundry, groceries, and my own personal music learning. You know, the insignificant details of life.

I don't have food news other than my love of kabocha squash. It is just as difficult to deal with as butternut but there's something fun about it. Maybe it's that the outside is green? When I was googling how to best prepare this squash someone said that the skin was edible once cooked. I ate some of it and lived, so I suppose that's true. It got soft and edible once cooked. It was generally very similar to butternut squash. I wish squash was not so labor intensive, then I'd eat it every single day, but I usually just don't have that much patience.

Tonight I will hypothetically finish the 3rd book in the Outlander series, which strangely took me forever to read. The first 2 I zipped through in no time but the third one is taking me so long that I'm forgetting details from the beginning of the book. There was a big reveal at the end of the book regarding who was doing what somewhere in the beginning, and I had no reaction, as I forgot that said event had even happened. Wow, my attempts to be spoiler free are just...nonsensical. BUT after this I have book reading decisions to make, because I think I'll take an Outlander break. Do I go on to the wackiness that is the second Sookie Stackhouse novel, or do I catch up with the rest of the world and go to Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? Or say screw it all and go Margaret Atwood? OR read the other 2 Scott Pilgrim comics I have. ...I feel my taste is ecclectic.

Happy but, again, confused

Body, HOW do you think I've lost weight during run week? How? Did you not notice me going over my points like whoa on snacky tasty carb food in the green room? Did you not notice the MOUNTAIN of french fries, beer, hard cider, and Irish coffee that was enjoyed on Sunday night? And the mac and cheese? And the nachos? Did you miss that? Did you miss the fact that the last 2 days I didn't bother really counting my points, I just hoped for the best and waited to reset because, really, why bother counting when you're already over? DID YOU MISS THAT? Because how the hell do you think I lost 2 pounds this week? I mean really.

But that's what the scale says. :/ ? huh? I mean...thank you? But how? I'm also (apparently) down 10% of my weight from when I started this thing, so that's exciting.

I did try to do my best this week, and I guess I did well. I tried to leave a little wiggle room in my points because I knew that there would be sugary deliciousness waiting backstage at the opera and I knew that I was just sunk if I tried to avoid that completely. Mmmm cookies. And one day: MINT BROWNIES. Om nom nom. ...What was I saying?

But the upswing, I suppose, is that I felt kind of crappy after my Sunday of overindulgence, and I take that as a good sign. It lessens my desire to binge on fries and junk food, because I know I'll feel lousy the next day. I just need to remember that in the moment. When all I ate was junk food, I didn't notice a difference. The fact that I'm not eating a little bit more healthfully (wait, spell check, that's a word? ok then) means that my body is a-changing and sorting itself out a little.

ALSO! Mini tip of the week: When you want to indulge in a burger with the fixin's and fries and beer ect, but you realize you actually are just craving cheese and deep fried potatos, not beef, go ahead and get the veggie burger! Once it's covered in gouda and mushrooms and a really good bun, you won't notice much of a difference unless you've been hankering for some MEAT. Which, that particular day, I was not. Beer and fries were my main focus.

This Sunday of good food and alcohol was brought do you by Nickies in the Lower Haight. Nickies: where the macaroni and cheese has smoked gouda, the nachos are the thickest, crispiest chips ever, the burgers are fantastic, they have Smithwick's on tap, and Magner's cider is their drink of the month so they let you keep the glass. Highly recommended.

In other news, I just killed a spider that was up high. You must fully understand how arachnophobia I am and how much my hands are shaking as I type this, but I was mid blog entry when I spotted it so I felt the need to share. Okay, that's all :)

Beautiful times in San Francisco

Woo down one point five lbs this week. Sorta. Homer (my Homedics scale) couldn't quite make up his mind today with how much I lost this week, but 1.5 seems pretty safe to claim. Which is nice, especially since the opera this week has made my schedule so crazy. What is nice is I've still managed to eat semi-decently and get a bit of exercise in my days. It has been beautiful out and the opera theater is right in one of the most beautiful spots in SF, so it's been very pleasant walking/jogging/failing at running around the area.

Don't believe that it can be not foggy in San Francisco? Let me prove it to you!

Golden Gate is in this picture I swear

Alcatraz from the curvy pier

Fisherman's Wharf / Beachy area by Ghiradelli Square / Bay


These were taken with my phone so the quality isn't the greatest, but note how blue that sky is. Sometimes I love where I live. You know, when I'm not around the crazier parts of Market Street.

GOOD NEWS! (that has nothing to do with food)

The plan today was originally to go to the gym before rehearsal, since there's a lovely 24 Hour Fitness right by the theater, but then I realized that I left my sneakers in my locker at school, which would take me a solid hour out of my way to retrieve. So instead, I had a dance party in my room while watching season 3 of "Angel". The result? 3 PointsPlus Points. Fantastic.

In other news today was also a day filled with cookies and desserts and not the best choices. Good things happened yesterday so I bought a cookie to celebrate, which I did knowing I could afford it and wanted to treat myself. And then...I got to the theater. And someone had made mint brownies and someone else brought the most magical cookies ever filled with like 15 different kinds of chocolate chips and peanut butter and marshmallows and it was basically a cookie designed with me directly in mind. I love hodgepodges of flavors. So...there's that. Bad choices.

ON TO THE GOOD NEWS! Which has nothing to do with my diet but much to do with my self confidence. So you may remember how I said I made the finals of a local opera competition? And how I was just excited to right "Competition Finalist" on my resume? WELL I WON. And not like I placed and won some money (which would have been very awesome in it's own right) but I came in FIRST. Which is AMAZING since that's the first time I've ever even made the finals. I'm pretty psyched and feeling pretty damn fantastic about it. Also my voice lessons for this summer and change are completely covered financially, so that's a load off my mind. I basically flipped out when I read the email that listed me in first place. Like...seriously. Dancing, crying, cheering in my room. By myself, at 1 am when the email went out. Craziness. But I'm so happy!!! It was seriously the pick me up I needed at this point, so thank you, Universe!

Little tiny loss

Ah ha! A slight stall! I knew it would happen eventually. After my random new weeks of -3 lbs per, I hit a week of only losing about half a pound. FINALLY! I'm so weird to be okay with this, but I am. I was losing weight so weirdly fast without really trying that the scientist in me kept wanting to experiment. Just how much can I slack off on this program and still lose weight? And now I more or less have my answer. I think this is also the last three weeks catching up to me. So get on track with veggies a bit more and we'll be fine for next week. I'm okay with it.

Back to being a rehearsal slave today. My shining moment in this opera involves moving a bookcase and singing "Oh." Yup, that's where I am right now.

It's official

Ok people, I'm officially dieting. I just ordered a side of steamed veggies as a snack at the mall. Something is completely wrong with this picture but I'll be damned if it isn't satisfying.